I'm constantly plagued by the ache of empty arms. I walk down the street and it seems that every woman is either carrying a capsule with a newborn, or about to have a newborn or is buying newborn clothes for someone who has just had a newborn! I try to act inconspicuous, glancing out the corner of my eye to gawk at whoever's precious little bundle it is, and again and again, I just want to throw a tantrum and say "it's not fair!" Especially when you see young girls barely out of school pregnant who probably don't know who the father is. I know, I'm being completely selfish. And what I thought would make things better, has actually made things worse. My husband would be mortified to know what I was writing right now. I have rid my house pretty much of every baby item I owned in the hope that the phase would pass. Don't get me wrong, my two children are my life, but I just want to hold a baby one more time. The saying "there must be something in the water" is what is going around here in my little town. But I'm just not catching the "pregnancy" bug that's in it. Should I take it as a sign that God is saying no? How do I get past the husband who doesn't really want more? Here I am writing this in tears. Frustrated at the lemon life has served to me right now. Right down to I don't even have cool photos to up load to my blog cos I can't figure it out! GRRRRR!!! Is it selfish to want another baby? Is it because of this selfishness that if I did, I would love it more?? OMG! Why is being a woman hard!!?
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Love that pic of the kids. It's so hard when our expectations of what our family would 'be' aren't quite the same as the reality. Not saying we aren't insanely happy with what we've got, it's just that the idea of something (a little someone!!!) else would make it MORE complete. Hubby has said to me no more babies until we buy our house and all I see is the age gap getting bigger and bigger!!!
ReplyDeleteI know! I keep seeing these people with families that have grown children and new born and think "OMG, I don't want to be that!" I hope that you'll find you're dream house for a dream price :)
ReplyDeleteAs for us, Hubby said "no more" so a perfect little family of four it is for us. Maybe having a boy and a girl makes all the difference. People I know who have 3 or more tend to have started with 2 of the same gender so my reasonings (purely to make myself happy!!!) is that Hubby has achieved his mission as a husband of providing me with one of each. LOL, Sad I am!